Flotsam and Jetsam [42]

Big!

Rog Bletherwick, renowned kayak designer of Wollongong, NSW, has announced a new range of sea kayaks specifically designed for the larger paddler. Flotsam reporters caught up with Rog at his harbour-side workshop.

“I’m a big bloke m’self,” said Rog, “and I got sick of squeezing into tight cockpits with tiny friggin’ seats. For mine, a kayak should be big and wide enough so that you can scratch your backside without going over… try that in an Arctic Raider!”

So Rog, seeing an expanding niche market, has designed two new models; the ‘Fat Bastard’, a beefy 5 metre craft with an ample cockpit, luxurious foam seat and generous 68 cm beam, and its larger stablemate, the ‘Fat Bastard Plus’, at 6 metres with a 75 cm beam, “for the seriously big expeditionary paddler”. Prices are not yet available, although Rog assured Flotsam “you won’t need a fat wallet to get into one of my boats…”

Sad!

Trevor Ponsonby, a new Club member hailing from Ryde, rang Flotsam & Jetsam to say that he really loves word games and had thought up a few anagrams of our favourite sea kayaks. Trevor went on to list his findings – he had discovered that Pittarak very easily became Krap at it, Erratic Arc just leapt out of Arctic Raider, and that the venerable Greenlander produced Reel Danger.

According to Trevor it was also significant that you could get A grime from Mirage, F up out of Puffin, and even Tu slic an scini from Inuit Classic. At this point our Flotsam & Jetsam staffer lost patience and told Trevor to get a life. However, Flotsam & Jetsam does feel obliged to invite other members, if they can be bothered, to send in their own crazy anagrams.

Cheeky!

In his insatiable quest for the perfect paddling style, Dirk ‘Forward Paddling Technique’ Stuber has ditched the daggy shorts for a sleek black G-String.

“It’s great!” enthused the popular Wollongong paddler and raconteur. “With the G-string, the direct contact between buttocks and seat means I can get far more oomph into each stroke and a more efficient forward paddling technique… and that’s what its all about, isn’t it?”

“I’ve also found if I rub wax on my buttocks, like they do with surfboards, I get brilliant grip and even more power… I just love it!”

But Dirk insisted that there was a downside to his new discovery. “After complaints from concerned parents and a stern warning from the Water Police, I now make sure I apply the wax before leaving the house…”

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