A Ramble From The Editor [42]

By Ian Phillips

Delirious following the acquisition of a nifty folding kayak, I sat down to pen my editorial ‘ramble’, supposedly a quick word and a brief introduction, but soon my demented emotions took over, spewing forth untold amounts of gush about my latest kayaking mistress until it was too much and too late! I could not bring myself to edit my dreadfully hard-to-read, almost nauseating prose, and so was created an article instead.

Still left was the almost terrifying ‘blank space’ on page 4. Now what the hell was I gonna write? I trembled in my chair, sending ice cubes careening into the keyboard and papers flying as I scoured IN and OUT trays in a desperate search for memories of my kayaking jovialities.

But wait! A quick swig of this now lukewarm gin refreshes my clouded memory! There was something – some drongo who stopped me on the water the other day and said a few words. I clearly remember their “Hi”, and whilst I try to block out what else they said, the pain still lingers, their remarks cutting deep and scarring me for life…

“What was that crap you put in your column in the last issue?” they cursed, their paddle gesticulating in unison with each word.

“Get a grip man…” I heard drifting over the breaking waves as they paddled off, before I could offer any excuse, any comment, or indeed any whimper.

And so, devastated but not beaten (they hadn’t mentioned the spelling errors that I had missed), I paddled off, mind far from the task of paddling, subsequently tipping nicely when a tugboat cruised past and presented me with a sizable tidal wave.

Now I remember what caused me to start drinking gin at such an early hour of the day…

Welcome to the Autumn/Winter edition for 2000! Thanks to my expert grovelling techniques I am receiving some fabulous trip reports and photos, but I do always seem to get them from the same folks! This unfortunately produces a somewhat biased opinion, projected oh-so-carefully by these select (and rarely factual) individuals. And so I would welcome any submission from any member for upcoming issues, if for no other reason than to give Fishkiller a good serve…

Submissions don’t have to be fancy, they don’t have to be long, they certainly don’t have to factual (just ask Fishkiller) and they don’t even have to have pictures. Letters, reviews, anecdotes and the briefest of yarns all receive top billing in my ever-expanding IN tray. Everything gets a go, and everything gets published. What better guarantee of fame and notoriety!

No, you don’t have to waterproof a laptop on your deck, nor do you need to fashion a voice-to-text recognition thingy to capture that latest outburst at a passing ferry, but you do need to capture your thoughts, your ideas and experiences, and shoot them off to me by any means possible!

But enough of my rambles! Let’s get out there and do what we’re here to do – paddle, paddle, paddle. Just be wary of me in my new ultra-silent skin kayak as I creep up behind you to nab any cakes and jellybeans left on your rear deck! So jump in, get wet, and I’ll see you all on the water!